While the media descends on Indianapolis to prepare for Sunday’s Super Bowl matchup between the Patriots’ Tom Brady and Peyton’s little brother, Eli, our third eyes are glued to the emerging melodrama with Indianapolis’ beloved quarterback. It’s very possible that Peyton has played his last home game as an Indianapolis Colt. It’s likely that next season, Manning will either be enjoying the retired life or reporting to training camp with a new emblem on his helmet. To prepare the football universe for what once seemed impossible I’ve examined the possible ramifications of a potential Manning trade, release or retirement.
10) Alex Smith is again compared to the “Comeback Kid”, Joe Montana after he is replaced by a future Hall of Fame quarterback.
9) Disaster strikes when MetLife Stadium/ The New Meadowlands literally becomes the center of the universe when the Peyton-led Jets and Eli’s Giants meet face off in Super Bowl XLVIII dubbed the Cain & Abel Bowl. The world’s attention turns to New York which throws the world out of orbit. The nation watches as Eli Manning leads a two minute drill while dodging Bart Scott, Rex Ryan’s blitzes and a flash flood caused by melted snow. Eli throws the game-winning pass to Hakeem Nicks in the corner of the endzone after narrowly being obliterated by space debris that has breached our atmosphere. As a result of shifting atmospheres, the Pro Bowl is moved to tropical Detroit.
8) Peyton Manning is traded to the Washington Redskins. However, he is eventually replaced by backup Rex Grossman, who has shown more effort at tackling defenders in practice after interceptions. Grossman becomes the first offensive player to be named NFC Defensive Player of the Year after leading the league in tackles.
7) Peyton retires to join the cast of Parks and Recreation alongside Indiana Pacers center Roy Hibbert. Rob Lowe becomes the newly launched Twitter Network’s NFL Insider Correspondent. Peyton is eventually killed off by the writers for frequently adlibbing his own lines during filming.
6) The YES Network begins airing nothing but Jets games, classic Jets games, Rex Ryan press conferences and Peyton Manning commercials.
5) Mark Sanchez finds more time to pursue his burgeoning modeling career. He eventually lands a speaking role on The Kardashians.
4) Peyton Manning is violently awoken from his sideline nap after the defense forces a playoff opponent to a three-and-out. He responds after the game by telling the media that he has never had a defense get off the field that quickly before.
3) Peyton retires and is named quarterback coach in New England. By 2014, he’s calling the offensive plays.
2) After the success of Khloe and Kim take New York and Mary Kate and Ashley’s “New York Minute”, Peyton is traded to the Jets and the E! Network launches their new reality show, “This is a Mann(ing’s) World” starring Peyton and Eli.
1) Peyton leaks documents to the media which reveal that his true name is Panajo Manning and that he is actually a 30-year old former Dominican pitcher. Older brother, Eli corroborates Peyton’s claims.
