1. Tweets of the Day
They FINALLY LET HIM THROW A FIRST-DOWN PASS! For 10 weeks I’ve been begging for JUST ONE, when unexpected. UNLEASH! Hate THAT!
THIS JUST IN.. my sources tell me that Tebow has a package to replace Fox with his highschool coach if Fox continues to blow goats.
2. During the regular season, Tebow’s 46 percent completion percentage placed him on a list that included all-time draft busts Heath Shuler and Akili Smith. After backing into the playoffs on the heels of a horrendous 6-for-22 performance in a loss to Kansas City, the Steelers were supposed to officially bring about the end of the Tebow era. During the week Brady Quinn split snaps with Tebow and it appeared that Tebow would be benched if he started out slow.
But then something funny happened. For the first time all season. Tim Tebow played like an NFL quarterback for an entire game. After vice president John Elway implored Tebow through the media to rediscover his confidence and “pull the trigger”, the Denver quarterback dashed Pittsburgh’s playoff hopes with a shot through the heart.
The Mayans predicted this. I wonder whether they had Baltimore and Denver winning in the divisional round.
3. Can the Lions buy a dog collar for Stafford’s arm? We’ve always known it’s strong but anytime he contemplates throwing deep into coverage to anyone that’s not Calvin Johnson, Schwartz should just deliver a little zap.
4. Andrew Bynum appears to have finally made the leap this season from a potential All-Star to a bonafide franchise cornerstone. This prompted Kwame Brown to tell the LA Times that he taught Bynum everything he knows during his two seasons in LA. I don’t doubt him. Bynum was a 17-year old high school star and had never sat on the bench before. Kid had to know where the warmest seat was.
5. Ryan Braun still hasn’t substantiated or denied the reports that his positive test for steroids was a result of his use of herpes medication he’d been taking. This may mark the first time in Major League history that an MVP acquired another three-letter acronym honor in the same season.
6. I’d highly advice you to check out this example of motherly treason. It will go down in recruiting lore. As Louisiana high school safety Landon Collins announced his intentions to attend LSU over Alabama, Collins’ mother completely undermines his moment with a disapproving frown as he picks Alabama. She even throws in a Geux Tigers for good measure. I can’t tell if the LSU yellow hair was on purpose or not. Sources say that Collins’ mom was likely to announce her intentions to stay at the hairstylist. I don’t think she will ever live this down.
This will make things real awkward when she’s deciding on a retirement home someday.
7. After being banned from the Mavericks White House visit because of a White House visit, Delonte West erupted on Twitter. But let’s look at this closely. He’s pro-gun, seen diminishing wages in the last few seasons, disgruntled, plays in Texas and is barred from a Democratic White House. If Delonte West were old enough to declare his candidacy for President, I’d argue he could challenge Mitt Romney for the Republican nomination.
8. Reports have emerged that Texans offensive coordinator, Wade Phillips is a candidate for the Buccanneers head coaching position. When Phillips wasn’t busy serving as Republican Speaker of the House during the Clinton administration he was a mediocre head coach of the Buffalo Bills, Broncos, Saints, Falcons and most recently the Cowboys.
Wade Gingrich has proven himself to be a master tactician when he’s allowed to focus on the defense but the longer he’s been a head coach, his teams records get progressively worse. If Wade does get the job, it could help Republicans’ chances of winning Florida during the general election. All jokes aside, the best part of this story are their other candidates. It’s a who’s who of the Failed Coaches Network.
9. Someone should remind Mike Smith that it doesn’t count as a quarterback sneak when everyone in the stadium including the defense knows what’s coming. On every fourth and inches situation. That’s like trying to mug the same woman person everyday at the same spot, every morning. At some point, you’re victim is going to be waiting for you.
10. Meanwhile Matt Ryan is going to have to start living up to his reputation as Matty Ice. He kind of reminds me of Mac from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. For eight seasons, Mac swore he was yoked up. It took eight seaons for Mac to realize he was putting on muscle mass. He was just fat. Matty Ice doesn’t have ice water in his veins. In fact, Matty Room Temperature shrinks under playoff lights. In his past three playoff games, all losses, his passer ratings have hovered around 60 and 70. Next season is year five for Matt Ryan. He’s now on the clock.
